Funny story actually, though it wasn't really at the time...
Yesterday morning I had a 6:30am flight. Have I shared with y'all how much I am not a morning person? Like, please don't talk to me until I've had my coffee... for your own sake... so we can still be friends.
The 6:30am was the only option to get me to Chicago in time for booth set-up. I backwards count to when I have to wake up...
Must arrive "1 hour" prior to flight to check a bag.. (you can actually push this to 30 minutes, just saying)... must allow 40 minutes for driving to airport (20 minutes presuming no traffic, which I do)... need 15 minutes to wake up, brush teeth, etc. (can push this to 3 minutes if necessary)... you get the idea.
Well, long story short I wake up at a time that starts with a FREAKING 4 and still manage to cut it close to make my flight. Apparently other people - a lot of them, actually - fly at this ungodly hour.
6:00am: I pick the shortest looking security line, but quickly realize I have chosen wrong. My line is like amateur hour at the airport. One lady in front of me literally spends minutes removing her lace-up boots. Who wears lace-up boots to the airport? Actually, who wears lace-up boots, period?
6:07am: There's an influx of flight attendants. Like, 7 of them. Did you know they just get to bypass the whole... waiting in line thing? I am literally next in line to send my carryon through the x-ray when they come, one after another, to place their snazzy little carryons on the conveyor belt... right in front of me.
6:14am: Finally, the last of the flight attendants is through. I'm up! Then TSA lady taps me on the shoulder and tells me I've been selected for the body scan. Yippee! She tells me I will need to wait until my bag has entered the x-ray, though, before I can be "viewed". That's when I see a new influx of flight attendants hurrying to put their carryons in front of mine!
6:15am: The man behind me tells the flight attendants "We've been waiting for quite awhile, if you wouldn't mind just letting us go through really quickly" after which I blurt out "Yeah, I'm going to miss my flight... please, I'll be quick."
Well guess what some snatchface flight attendant says? "Oh honey, you're not going anywhere without us! Planes need flight attendants to fly."
Oh do they now? I thought they needed flight attendants to serve peanuts and soda, thank you for clarifying. I don't say that though. I actually say, "Oh, are you on the 6:30am to Chicago? Didn't think so..." and promptly shove my bag through the x-ray.
Is there just something about airport security that brings out the best in us all? Or maybe it's just me... in the early morning.
6:16am: I am treated to my first full-body scan. The TSA man tells me it's okay to smile. I don't. When I'm finished, he doesn't even say congratulations or nice boobs or anything. Ridiculous.
6:18am: Run to flight. Make it. Barely.
Well, that's pretty much the whole story. It was funnier in my head... sorry about that!
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Too bad you could not fly out yesterday, but then maybe your company is too cheap to spring for an extra night at the hotel.
ReplyDeleteTell them I said so.
Oh that gives me anxiety just reading it as you know me ... flying standby ... that I have to be AT the gate an hour before takeoff. Which means normally a good hour and a half early! Glad you made it!
ReplyDeleteI always give myself JUST enough time to get through and make the flight. No time for nonsense, or rude flight attendants.
ReplyDeleteI hate the airport. Why is it that everyone acts like it is there first time clearing security? Sometimes you can find a "black diamond" line. They are hidden and look like you have to have membership to use them but you don't. You just have to know what you are doing. We also have Clear cards here in Orlando. We get our own special line. Some other airports have them too. It is like $100 a year and they scan you eye to go through. Totally worth it!
ReplyDeleteI hate really early flights. And ironically all of the early ones I have ever been on, I have been drunk.
ReplyDeleteShit. Don't even get me started on flight attendants. Is it just me, or are they getting seriously older (and correspondingly bitchier). Planes need them to fly, huh? Unless this plane is powered by surliness and excessive eye shadow, I think not, Air Waitress...
ReplyDeleteflying sucks hard these days. Glad you had a safe trip!
ReplyDeleteit was funny and i would have said nice boobs
ReplyDeleteFlying can be such a hassel! Glad you made it there okay and have fun in Chi-town!
ReplyDeleteYep, we had the 6:30 flight to Ft. Lauderdale for our cruise. Not fun. Up at 3:40 for my 4:40 ride to the airport which is 20 min away. Security wasn't too bad on the way down.
ReplyDeleteHowever, on the way back, I had to go through the body scanner thing, too. My mister sails past and they grab me! Not only that, but the dumbass that I am put two items (salsa and vanilla from Mexico) in my carryon over 3-ounces. Guess what? Confiscated by a 90 year old man. Can you believe I was able to sneak my vodka on the ship, but got my vanilla and salsa taken away at the airport. Ugg...
I hope you ended up having a nice time in Chi-Town.
Lace-up boots....OUT!