our new ninja roomie...

We have a BIG problem... 

For the last couple of weeks, we have heard an unbelievable racket coming from the ceiling above our bed. It sounds like an animal eating the house.

The scratching, scraping, clawing and gnawing is impossible to ignore, so Bondi and I lie in bed from about 2am-5am wondering when the ceiling is going to come crashing down on us. It's really restful.

After one too many sleepless nights, I decided someone needed to go up to the roof to investigate. Up the rickety wooden ladder to the moldy, sagging, decrepit roof....

So on Friday, Joe went.

He found a 3' x 3' hole that had been chewed through the tar paper, through the wood frame and into the drywall and insulation. (This helps explain the new leak that has developed in our bedroom ceiling.) He covered the gash with a sheet of plywood as a temporary solution...  a sort of "find somewhere else to burrow" message.

Well, around 4am Sunday morning, we suspected our new furry roommate was not so easily deterred.

This was confirmed Sunday afternoon when we found a note from our neighbor:

"Guys,

Giant raccoon is digging a hole in your roof. He just climbed up there now. (12 noon). He uses the bush by the kitchen, NW corner of house, to climb up. He is like a ninja.

The insulation and tar paper from the hole keeps blowing onto our lawn which we are trying to seed.

Jon"

I refrained from responding:

"Dear Jon,

Thank you for the note about our ninja raccoon friend. We have consented to allow this nest building, as the relentless horror movie soundtrack and imminent threat of the roof collapsing on us while we sleep is little price to pay for disrupting your lawn beautification. 

Cheers!"

Just kidding, kind of. Jon's a nice guy... This is just misguided hostility that I will instead be directing to our landlord or any well-rested person who crosses my path...

Oh and by the way, here is what our "ninja" raccoon did just last night. Note huge sheet of plywood covering previous huge hole, new small hole, and new displaced insulation.

It was another peaceful sleep.

Just as an aside, pretty sure the ninja culprit is a pregnant she, not a he... one fierce mama desperate to make a nest for her little ones!

Regardless, today I purchased this:

It's made from coyote urine and it's supposed to tell the raccoon(s) to go somewhere else. I'm thinking she's probably gonna "bahaha" in the face of this synthetic predator pee, but we'll see.

Oh, and I just sent "something" along these lines to our landlord.

Dear Landlord,

Per our lease agreement, I am writing to notify you of additional occupancy in our home. There is a giant "ninja" raccoon that has taken residency in the roof, having displaced about 9 square feet of the insulation to make a den for her kits, which are likely due any day now. I was going to "evict" her myself, but am wary to spend too much time on the roof, due to the whole "rotten wood" and "valuing my life" thing. Plus, I find I have little energy to do anything more than lie in bed anticipating a raccoon party in the bedroom, should the ceiling collapse on me while sleeping.

Sleepless in Seattle,

Jenny

Still waiting to hear back...

The house next door to the pedophile is starting to look pretty nice right about now! Just saying...

EDITED TO ADD: Here is the picture our neighbor just emailed me of our new furry friend in action, along with the note: "Here is one of the photos. I got his face in this one so maybe he can be identified down at the station."